Why All Christian Wives Are Trophy Wives

Did you know that King Solomon wrote that "the wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil?" (Ecclesiastes 9:9b). That's right - a wife is a reward, a trophy!

Would you qualify yourself as a trophy wife? While you may not feel that you have the slim body, long luscious hair and spiffy wardrobe typical of how you might imagine a trophy wife, be encouraged with the knowledge that you are the wife God chose for your husband. You are to be a reward for him - someone he can love and enjoy life with.

But there are many obstacles in a marriage that may have you wondering how it is possible that you would be a reward for your husband. Do you struggle with guilt because your husband works so hard to make ends meet when you have a hard time staying within a budget? Or do you wish you could get that weight off so you would be more attractive to him? Maybe you have health issues and he has had to sacrifice a lot of his time caring for you. Or maybe you have a bad habit of nagging and criticizing him, leaving him feeling depleted and unappreciated.

On the other hand, you may be stuck in a marriage that is leaving you wondering "Couldn't I have done a lot better? Maybe I should have been a reward for a better man..."

Many women today feel that they are putting in more than their fair share of work. After all, before so many women began working outside the home, they stayed busy taking care of children, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and handling other household tasks.

But for some reason, many women are now expected to fulfill all of the traditional duties of a woman while also working outside the home. This has left many women with a sense that their husbands do not deserve them. It feels unfair when both husband and wife have been working outside the home all day, yet when they get home the man watches TV while the woman prepares dinner, finishes up some laundry, and performs whatever other household tasks need to be accomplished. 

While there are a few steps you can take to make the division of labor more fair in your home, you may never achieve that perfect flow of household harmony. Also, keep in mind that you may have higher standards than your husband and any children you have living in the home.

My main focus today is not to help you create a more fair division of work and household tasks, although I will point you towards some resources to help you with that. We are going to be dealing today with how we can do our best work regardless of what everybody else is doing, and how we can step into our God-given roles as Trophy Wives.

If you are feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do, there are many great resources out there detailing how you can both reduce your workload and delegate tasks to other members of your family. Try listening to the audiobook by Thomas W. Phelan, PhD entitled "The Manager Mom Epidemic," where Dr. Phelan provides workable solutions for overworked moms.  

And if you are having an especially difficult time motivating your husband to help you around the house, check out my other article entitled "How to Criticize Your Husband." I will warn you - it's actually about the benefits of not criticizing your husband at all, and how you can work towards getting your needs met while building up your man.

Did you know that the Apostle Paul instructed you to "work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people?" (Colossians 3:23). How differently would you go about doing your work and your everyday tasks if you remembered that you were doing it all for the Lord? I would encourage you to embrace that frame of mind.

Despite what popular culture might have you believe, you may not always love what you do. And even if you are working your dream job, there may be aspects of that job that you do not love. But Paul goes on to say "Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ" (Colossians 3:24). Wow. What a gracious God we have that He will reward us for our Earthly toils, no matter how meaningless they may seem and how unappreciated we may feel for completing them.

In the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon concludes that life is meaningless if you cannot enjoy it. Keep in mind of course that this was before Jesus came. In the beginning of this post I referenced Ecclesiastes 9:9b. The first part of that verse says "Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun" (emphasis mine).

Trophy wives - I believe it is ok to sometimes feel that life is meaningless, that you are overworked, that things are not fair. But whenever you feel this way, I want you to remember 2 important truths.    

When you are folding laundry, scrubbing a toilet, stuck in line at the grocery store, and washing dishes, the master you are serving is Christ. And the best part is - He will give you your reward! So if you feel as though you are unappreciated, just remember that your reward awaits in heaven, and I can assure you it will be much better than any earthly reward you could receive. 

Just as children are to be blessings to their parents, a wife is to be a reward for her husband. You may know of some men who would see their wives more as punishments than rewards. Do you think your husband ever sees you that way?

Now we are going to change gears and take a look at some of the reasons women are insecure about their roles as Trophy Wives. Women tend to fall into a destructive pattern of resentment and criticism, which we talked about earlier. They also frequently believe that their physical appearance or health issues disqualify them from being a worthy wife. Let's take a deeper look at the latter 2 problems.

Is your physical appearance affecting your self-confidence as a wife? You may feel that you have failed at every diet and workout routine you have ever attempted. Being overweight causes low self-esteem. Having a difficult time embracing and loving who you are can make it hard to love others.

Our physical well-being is connected to our spiritual well-being. When we are in pain, when we are sick, and when we are tired, we cannot effectively serve God and live out the purpose He has for us. We must dedicate some effort to keeping our bodies healthy. For a more in-depth look at how important our bodies are to God, check out my article "Your Body is a Temple."

On the same note, being overweight or having frizzy hair does not make you any less of a woman. Peter writes "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight" (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Your outward appearance does not make you beautiful. What makes you most attractive in God's eyes is what is in your heart and your spirit. And that is what matters most. 

I have spoken with many women who are going through health issues so severe that they cannot work at all and their husbands are caring for them. If you are currently walking in a difficult situation like this, know that in most cases it will pass. You may one day need to care for him in a time of need as well.

And if you feel that you will never be able to repay him for the work he is putting in, remember that Colossians 3:23-24 applies to him as well. You may not be able to repay him, but he will be rewarded in heaven for caring for you.

Do you ever feel guilty or ashamed because of a health problem? These feelings are not coming from the Lord. Take this time to be thankful for the husband God gave you. Pray for him. Find a hobby that you can do to serve him or others while you are recovering. I know it is hard when you are hurting. You may not desire to do anything but stare into a TV or play a mind-numbing mobile game. But draw yourself close to your heavenly Father and you will find strength and hope. 

Do you feel like stepping into your role as a Trophy Wife yet? There may be some steps you need to take to get there. If you need guidance on how to walk through any of the issues mentioned in this article, or anything at all for that matter, please consider talking to one of our biblical counselors. When thoughts begin to swirl around in your mind and emotions are running high, simply being able to speak to someone can be the first step in getting you walking on the path God intends for you.

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